sedatives and fetal positions

i'm in maryland staying at my amu-joon bozorg's house. for those of you know don't speak persian, amu-joon bozorg means big uncle. why am i in maryland staying with him in the middle of finals? why am i not in DC on campus? well it all started saturday night....

i couldn't sleep because my neck was sore and i had a terrible headache. my headache kept getting worse, and i called my friend meredith to come over and rub my neck. unfortunately she wasn't on campus, but she was really worried about my aching head and proceeded to call the campus emergency telephone number on my behalf. around 3 a.m. a UPD officer showed up at my door asking me how i was feeling. when he saw how severe my headache was, he called EMerg, our campus emergency medical response team. they showed up a few minutes later. they asked me a bunch of questions which i can't even remember and then took me to the emergency room at GW hospital. (i added this pic 5/29 so that i could have a pic on my profile. don't mind it.)

the ER waiting room was pretty busy and there were about four announcements for trauma victims requiring immediate attention within the first 20 minutes we were there. luckily meredith was there with me to fill out all the paperwork. i was hiding under a blanket the whole time because i was so sensitive to light. it was pretty incredible that i was taken in in less than an hour. to my surprise, i was led into a private room and asked to change into a hospital gown. i later found out that the private room i was in was a special room for airborne illnesses because the doctors thought i had meningitis.

they gave me a mask to wear, and all the doctors and nurses who came in were wearing masks as well. i was asking for pain medication, but instead i got a CT scan. eventually they gave me a saline drip through an IV to rehydrate me. the CT scan came up normal, which meant that the next step would be to do a lumbar puncture, colloquially known as a spinal tap. they first had me sitting up with my arms and head leaning forward and resting on a headrest in front of me. they told me it wouldnt hurt because they injected a local anesthetic. it was the most painful thing i have ever experienced. i could feel the needle inside my spine searching around for the fluid. and no matter how much i screamed in pain the doctors wouldn't stop. i eventually got extremely nauseated and yelled out, "i think i'm going to throw up!" so they took the needle out and gave me a sedative and said they'd be back later to try a second time. i soon fell asleep.

when i woke up, meredith was gone, and an entirely new set of doctors had come in to do the spinal tap procedure again. this time, they had me curl into a fetal position on my right side. i begged them not to do the procedure again. i pleaded that there must be an easier way. they said this was absolutely necessary. they sedated me so i would stop protesting and held me in the fetal position. any time i tried to move or say something, they would just hold me in place and tell me to breathe deeply. the deep breathing increased the pain so much more. this time, i could actually feel the suction of the needle inside my spine. i felt so powerless over the doctors. they started just ignoring what i was saying and didn't respond to me at all. after having gone through intense amounts of pain and screaming, the doctor pulled out the needle and said he needed a longer one. i protested so much to the doctors that they agreed to not do the procedure a third time.

they gave me some more sedatives and i went back to sleep.

i woke up and my friend jenny was in the room with me, wearing a mask. several hours later when they released me i had to sign a form releasing the hospital from any liability that might result from them not being able to complete the necessary procedures.

looking back, i don't think it was anything more than just a really bad headache.

so now i'm in maryland at my uncle's house, recovering from the whole episode. i'm more emotionally shaken up than anything else. the whole event really pushed me to reevaluate my life and health. the spinal tap procedure felt so intrusive, and i had no control over the doctors. they wouldn't listen to me--they just sedated me.

my friends and family have been extremely supportive. roxanne, my sister, sent me a very funny e-card. solange, my other sister, emailed all my professors to give me extensions on my final assignments. amelia, as always, acted as my resident mother in asian form.

but i still have a strong shudder of fear every time i think about being curled up and sedated in that fetal position, completely helpless to do anything.